You work out of a Hotel?
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize
