I think I just saw someone hide a body.
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
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