i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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