dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
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