sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
two words...techno handjob
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
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