i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
Randomize
