They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
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