Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
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