do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
Randomize
