Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
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