I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
i find it depressing how it takes me longer to find a good video compared to the actual jacking off process.
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
You're like the curious george of whores
You left your underwear on the fireplace
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
Randomize
