my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
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I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
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i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
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