My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
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