A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
There's a naked man in my car right now.
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
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