i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
Randomize
