my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
Randomize
