Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
Randomize
