I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
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