I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
sex in a hospital.. check
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
Randomize
