I can text with my tongue
we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
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