I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
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