I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
Randomize
