dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
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