note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
the girl next to me in class is drawing a guy banging a chick doggy style...its very detailed
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
Randomize
