She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
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