During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
please come you make the beer taste better
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Randomize
