On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
Randomize
