what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
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