its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
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I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
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It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
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