She announced her abortion via fbk
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
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