My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
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