what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
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