I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
Randomize
