Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Randomize
