drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
Randomize
