He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
