walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
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