She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
Randomize
