Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
Randomize
