taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
Randomize
