she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Randomize
