This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
Randomize
