Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
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