Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
how do flat chested girls get laid?
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
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