you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
Randomize
