i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
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