I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
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