nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
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