i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
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