dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
I want a musical about memes.
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
Randomize
