My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
Randomize
