Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
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