He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
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