$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
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