i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
why does every cop we meet know your name?
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
