You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize
