When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
Sober January is a disaster.
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
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