i'm lost and i look like a hooker
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
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