beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
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