Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
Randomize
