Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
Randomize
