there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
Randomize
