Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
I haven't been this sober since birth.
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
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