walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
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