ugly people sure do ruin things
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
It all started with a game of naked twister.
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
Randomize
