you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
Randomize
