The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
Randomize
