Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
Randomize
