I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
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