try this...when you orgasm scream his address including city state and zip...
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
Randomize
