fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
I'm passing your future prison.
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
Randomize
