I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
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