I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
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