She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
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