He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
week 6 of class: i have yet to go to spanish sober. i love being THAT girl.
i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
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