You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
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