EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
I'd cum for enchiladas.
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
Randomize
