wakey wakey hands off snakey
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
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