You blewit but ill be back in laekciew tonigthso calll mee
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
Randomize
