It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize
