take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
Randomize
