I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
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